“He doesn’t care. Look at him. He’s so over it.”
This is what women probably think whenever they see their exes’ status updates on social media showing them hanging out with the bros. Well, girls, to say we don’t care at all is an overstatement. In fact, it’s false. Men feel things too. We’re just not too vocal about it (read more).
It’s not as if we can, right?
I’m not trying to make a one-size-fits-all statement here but the reason why most guys act so indifferent after a break up is that they’re trying to play it off cool. If women are stereotyped, so are men. The world always tells us that we’re the type who’s practical and “thinking.” We don’t let our emotions get the best of us and we are always in control.
Growing up being told that you need to be as hard and unfeeling as a rock really affects the way you grow up. It’s as if you internalize what is being said to you and accept it as a part of yourself, even when initially it wasn’t. So girls, if we do look like we don’t care, it’s probably us trying to act like we don’t care. Otherwise, people will be talking, you know.
But even if we do give you the cold shoulder, it doesn’t mean to say that we don’t value the time we spent together. At least this rings true for me. Now as for the other guys, I can only take a good guess at what’s running through their heads. Here are a couple of things guys most often think after breaking up with their partner:
“I Got To Play It Cool.”
Men want to act tough so much that it hurts. According to this link https://herway.net/relationship/why-do-guys-go-cold/, after the breakup, a guy might act cold towards you; maybe even pretend you don’t exist on the face of the earth. After all, he’s got to play it cool. Otherwise, what would all his “cool” friends say if they find out he’s so affected over some girl? If you see your ex walking around like he could care less about your existence, it’s not like he’s gotten over you instantly. He might just be compelled to act the part.
Then again, he may just be a shallow buffoon. But who knows?
“It Will Be For The Best If I Don’t Run Into Her.”
Some guys are a bit more sensitive though. So sensitive, in fact, that they’d try to avoid you as much as they can. But before you think about the worst reasons why they’re avoiding you, it’s probably because they just respect you and want to give you some space. How would you feel if you keep bumping into the same guy that broke up with you? Some guys really value their ex enough to give them some space post-breakup.
“I Should Probably Take A Break From Social Media”
Face it, girls. The first thing that you probably do is stalk your ex after you called it quits with them (or they called it quits on you). You probably check their social media channels for an update or two after the breakup. If your ex has fun with his friends just after breaking up with you, he’s a shallow cheater who never took your relationship seriously. If he’s very sensitive and emotional with his updates, he’s a wuss and pathetic for being sad.
This is why you can’t blame guys behavior after breakup all the time. Most guys are likely to think it’s better to keep off social media after breaking it off with their girlfriends. Or, they may just hide their posts from you and all your friends, specifically.
“Wait, Does Her Family Know Already?”
If things were really serious between you and your ex back when you were in a relationship, he’s also probably worried about what your family thinks of him now. After all, a guy can only imagine what you’ve been ranting about after you went your separate ways. Of course, that is not to say that you’re sure to say negative things about him to your friends and family but one can’t help but think about the possibility of it.
So if your ex is trying to cut off communication with any or all of your friends and family members, this may be the reason why.
“To Become Friends Or Not?”
Also, the thought of becoming friends post-breakup is something that goes through your ex’s mind. This is especially true if you were friends before you became lovers. I mean, who would want to ruin a good friendship just because you can’t reconcile your differences in a romantic relationship. The fact that you went steady for a while also means that you have a lot in common and that’s why you may be better off as platonic friends.
Or not. It may not happen right away but the possibility of becoming friends after you’ve both moved forward is still there.
Penny For Thoughts
If the reason you’re reading this is that you’re still clinging into the small bit of hope that you and your ex can get back together, only time can tell. I have friends who have loved girls like crazy that even after they broke up, they’d still think about them. Still, just thinking about them doesn’t mean that they want to get back together. There are other factors involved and most times, feelings just aren’t enough to keep two people glued together.
If you’re holding out on that teeny-tiny bit of hope, all I can say is that it’s not impossible. Every relationship has a chance of being rekindled; some just have higher chances than others (read more). If the feelings were true, then the love is there. Now, it all depends on how things will play out.
But before you go trying to patch things up, ask yourself:
Is getting back together really what you want?