I Fell Off the Wagon…Again

I started this blog with the intention of sharing my weight loss story, give some tips, tricks and maybe just inspire someone. With a weight loss of 40 pounds and losing, I never thought I’d be at this day where I am now.
Fatter then before.

Yes I said the F word.  I hate it just as bad as you. The word actually makes me cringe, and automatically feel insecure. I don’t care if it’s a co-worker calling a someone a fat head, or a friend is talking about a random stranger who walked by wearing spandex that was 3x too small. I clam up, I get nervous, my stomach does a twist. I HATE that word. I once described myself as ‘thick’ and ‘curvaceous’ for an online dating profile before I met my husband. Big boned, athletic, big breasted even. but never the ‘F’ word.




See I’ve always been ‘big’. No matter what I didn’t eat, or how much I worked out I was never size 6. I would be a 9 at my smallest, and that’s with hardly eating whatsoever when I was in high school. After I started partying in my late teen years, I did gain some weight from alcohol, and then I got pregnant. My first pregnancy I used as an excuse to actually eat whatever I wanted. See I always had a love/hate relationship with food. I love it, but I hate what it did to my body. Once I got pregnant I felt like it was my excuse to eat all the foods I had the love/hate relationship with for years..and I did. See the first 6 months of my pregnancy my loser boyfriend didn’t work, neither of us had a car, and I walked my butt to work and back and wherever else I needed to go. I finally got smart and moved in with my parents and for the next 2 months I ate everything in sight.

Whoever said loosing baby weight was easy is a liar. That, or they didn’t have to go back to work 2 weeks after giving birth. My weight fluctuated 20 lbs several times in a year. Very unhealthily I would starve myself, then I would binge. This would continue and continue and each pregnancy I would gain a bit more weight to fluctuate with. My husband whom I met 7 years ago loved me the way I am, heavier, or lighter. My family accepted me, my close friends love me whether I wear a 12 or an 18. But I didn’t love me.

I finally decided to try something different, and I met with a Dr and was prescribed diet pills. Boy, was I happy! Not only did I not crave those bad foods, but I didn’t get hungry! I had energy like a junkie on crack! I was in bed at midnight, and up at 5 a.m. I was on the treadmill in the morning, and after work. I took the kids on a walk, to the park, my weight quickly disappeared. my clothes were big, I bought shorts for the first time in years. But the thing about these pills is that you’re only able to be on them 3 months at a time per Ohio state law: 3 months on, 3 months off. The first week after the first 3 months I was O.K. then I could barely manage to get myself out of bed. It felt like a work out just to get ready for work in the morning ,let alone face the day. Slowly but surely I gained nearly all the weight back. 3 months later I got back on the pills and though I still did get that ‘great’ high, they came with side effects. I started getting angry. A lot. I would snap at my kids, my husband, even my Mom. I would forget things, I became like an athlete on steroids. I was mean. My husband sat down with me and talked..he was ready to leave me because of my new crazy personality. I knew it was time to stop.

After the pills I kinda gave up on a regular healthy routine. I gained more weight, so I decided I needed to do something (again) and I joined an online weight loss support community. I ordered shakes, natural pills, food programs. I would work out every day for a month or so, then a day or two, then I wouldn’t work out for weeks. I’d eat healthy, then I would pig out on fast food and junk food. I gave up pop, and 2 months later started it back again.

I was a mess.




It seems like I couldn’t win – but with the support of a few close friends & family, and my determination, I am back on the wagon.  So I ask you, my readers, to help me stay there. So on top of my “Fitness Friday” post, I will be posting “Motivation Monday” post sharing my progress (or my failures) and keeping myself accountable to you for staying on the wagon this time around.


#weightloss #inspiration #diet



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3 Responses to I Fell Off the Wagon…Again

  1. I feel your pain. I’ve always been larger than a lot of my friends so I know I will never be super skinny and honestly I wouldn’t want to be. Good luck on your weight loss journey and finding what works for you. And remember we all have bad days/weeks it’s called being human 🙂

  2. Lynda Thomas says:

    This is the first time I’ve read a post on your blog, but I just had to comment. Thank you for sharing this with the world! 🙂 So many people are in this exact (or similar) situation. You never know who you will encourage by posting this, people will read it and not comment, but they will remember that someone else out there is going through the same thing they are. Just knowing that, can be such a tremendous help! 🙂 After my two kids I’m finding it very difficult to stick to any sort of eating/exercise plan, because well, food is delicious! Lol! But, I can do it, and you can do it, too!

  3. Nancy Bowers says:

    It really is a battle! Might I suggest asking God to help you when you are struggling day by day- even moment by moment if needed. Good eating habits are important but so are peaceful family relationships and regular physical activity. Hope you find the balance you are looking for in life 🙂

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