A lot of couples go through blah times in their sex lives, and wonder what they can do to make it more exciting. People explore a lot of different varieties to bring the spice – but thanks to books and movies like Fifty Shades of Grey the BDSM experimenting is booming!
For some people the thought of being tied up, whipped, gagged, chained, flogged, and ‘forced’ to have sex is exciting. But for others they can be a bit hesitant on what BDSM really means and the protocols for such things; so in order for everyone to have fun, feel safe and comfortable, you need to set some ground rules.
The biggest part to getting started with BDSM, is communication. It is easy to get caught up in the moment during , but it’s very easy for people to take it too far and then someone gets emotionally or physically hurt. You can always talk to others in the community and make some BDSM contacts.
If you are a newbie, you want to do some research. Find some various types of play scenarios and actions and see if you’d be comfortable with them. Go through the list with your partner to see what turns you on, makes you feel safe, and the most important – a list of things you are TOTALLY not in to whatsoever.
KNOW YOUR LIMITS
You have boundaries in your regular day to day life, yes? It’s the same , if not more important, in your sex life. You must set – and know – your limits in BDSM. What type of play, hard limits/soft limits ,etc. (soft limits are where you are sure if you are comfortable, nothing is set in stone, and you may open up to it more after experiencing it – hard limits are an absolute 100% no no. Your partner should know both of these). It’s important that both people in the BDSM relationship have set limits and are communicating about them.
Safe words are just that, and means to STOP/HALT/DON’T GO ANY FURTHER – lights back on, cuffs or ropes removed, DONE. Both parties should have a safe word and no matter what is is the absolute FINAL SAY , I don’t care how the other party feels. a safe word is called SAFE for a reason.
Generally speaking BDSM isn’t a wham,bam, thank you ma’am type of evening. This is a marathon, not a race. You need to respect, and care about your partner and check in with them regularly. Maybe if you have music playing in the background, you check in every other song, or even set an alarm of some sort. Sometimes the other person may totally be DONE, but scared to say anything. If you check in, you can read your partners mood, and figure out if you can keep going or if you need to call it quits for the evening.
NEED A PARTNER?
If you are totally into BDSM but haven’t met the right one yet, check out sites like mybdsmhookups.com – hey, you never know, you could meet your perfect match!