When it comes to online dating, it’s very important that you know what you are looking for before you start , well, looking. There are tons of sites out there that cater to pretty much anything you can imagine, and you just don’t want to start joining a bunch of random sites without knowing what you are in for.
Some dating sites are known for finding users love, and you have to go through what I would consider the gruesome tasks of filling out questionnaire after questionnaire until you are ready to scream. Others don’t give much of a care for anything besides making sure your email and photo were uploaded – for a quick hookup or a night full of drinking on the town or even married dating.
Each of these site caters to specific needs, and you need to make sure you pick the right one. If you’ve been single awhile and are finally ready to settle down, look for those sites. If you just got out of a marriage and you just need to occupy your time and mind – well, then there are sites for you too.
Make an Honest Profile
Have a trusted and honest friend to help you edit your profile before you post -you don’t want to create a false or misleading perception of yourself. You don’t want to be too positive, or too negative – make sure you allow the friend to be completely honest.
If your profile is filled with lies, or you aren’t being completely honest – it will, and does come out. People like about the dumbest stuff too; so if you they lie about the little things, who knows what they will lie about in the big things right?? Sure we all want to give the best impression, but you also want to be real. What if you fall for the person you met? It’s going to start the relationship out on the wrong foot.
Share Photos of the Real You
Post at least two photos, if not more. Make sure shows your entire body. Make sure you are smiling – and if you are looking for love, don’t post pictures of you out partying in every single one.
You want to make a good impression, and sure you can be sexy – but not too sexy. You don’t want to over do it, show too much, or give a wrong impression. Also, sharing a full length body photo and photos without a ton of filters is going to save you some self esteem issues, and also time. You need to be comfortable with you, and if someone isn’t, you don’t want to waste your time with them anyway.
You may still get the guys (or gals) who are rude, or make pressure you to send more trying to ‘see the goods’ but don’t feel pressured to do anything you are no comfortable with.. and more than likely the ones asking and making you feel that way, probably isn’t going to be the ‘one’ anyhow.
Make Sure They Have Plenty of Photos Too
When I was dating online, I can’t tell you the amount of men that would hound me for photos, and only have one of themselves. Most of the time those were the guys sharing photos from years ago, or even high school!
If there are things that are important to you such as a good smile, or pretty eyes – don’t be afraid to ask for more photos of just that. Usually guys (or girls) that leave out a certain feature or body part, well, there’s a reason. I had a friend who met a guy online who was good looking, but never smiled and showed his teeth – literally every picture. So it was no surprise when she met him that he had some jacked up teeth. No judging, but he could have been honest up front because somethings are just non negotiables with people.
You Don’t Have to Talk to Everyone
Just because a guy messages you, and is nice or pays you a compliment or asks you a question does not mean you have to respond or you owe them anything. I know some people that just ‘cant be mean’ and will literally respond to every man who messages her, no matter if she knows she’d never go out with him or not – all this does is waste your time, and give them hope, which makes them even more aggressive. You also don’t need to even say “thanks, but no thank you”, most people in general aren’t that great at rejection, and I can tell you from experience that men online dating are probably the worst at accepting it. They will get downright nasty; try to find your social media profiles, your phone #, your job – just don’t risk it. (also, feel free to block people. They think you’ve just deleted your account, but you’ve just blocked them from seeing you online, messaging you, or viewing your profile/photos).
TALK ON THE PHONE
If you’ve matched up, both show interest, and you’ve been sending messages back and forth you must MUST talk on the phone before you meet in person. Number one, a lot of times this can give you a heads up if they are a ‘catfish’ (I swear that you can ‘hear’ what someone sounds like by their voice. EVERY episode of Catfish I ever watched, I KNEW by the voice – every time!) You can also talk and ask questions that they don’t have time to ‘think up answers’, they have to answer on the spot, which will help you watch for any red flags.
NEVER EVER EVER GO TO THEIR HOUSE ON YOUR FIRST – OR SECOND – DATE
Can I scream a little louder for the people in the back? Sure, most of the people you meet online are probably like you; normal, law abiding citizens. But some are not. I have a friend whose very good friend was murdered by a guy she went on a date with, right after getting divorced. They talked awhile, and he invited her over to make dinner for her: she never knew that would be the last night she kissed her kids goodbye.
Drastic comparison? Maybe. But we all need to think with our heads, and not our nether regions when it comes to meeting strangers.
Take your own car, meet somewhere very public, make sure that your family or friends know where you are, and have a check in time. My friends and family all use the Life360 app on our phones – shows our location at any time. It has a panic button. Get it, use it, be safe.
Don’t Plan a Full Night
I used to working for a dating service called It’s Just Lunch; literally we would match people up and they would meet for ‘just lunch’ or ‘just drinks’ after work. You can make it brief (I have to get back to work, ok thanks for the drink, I gotta get home to the kids) but you want to kinda get an idea of the person you met with. Maybe you thought they were one way, but you meet them in person and they act a completely different way. Maybe they tricked you and used those photos that were from before they became the alcoholic sitting on the couch crushing beers all day, or maybe the girl sent you pictures from before she had kids , or maybe there just isn’t any chemistry like you thought there would be- you don’t know. Keep it simple, and if you enjoy yourself -well there’s a perfect time to plan the next.
ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY DO NOT HAVE SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Come on ya’ all. It’s 2019. Sure the world is full of ‘do what makes you feel good’ and don’t judge’ but come on. Sometimes things happen too quickly in the heat of the moment, and you are left to deal with those feelings and potential consequences.
